Dream 22nd August 2013
Halloween, Calypso

22nd August 2013

I think there were two dreams, but they merged into one another. I’m not sure which came first, so I’ll just start with one and go from there!

It was cold, snowing and the streets of what looked like an Eastern European or Russian city were virtually deserted. The cityscape and weather reminded me of the movie The Day After Tomorrow, there were even wolves hunting the streets of the city. There were Tannoy towers on most street corners and they were reporting the continuing bad weather, the state of the food and energy reserves, and even warning people of the curfew times. This was apparently to prevent people from being hunted by the wolves during the most dangerous times of the day/night. I was with a group of people, about 7 of us were racing to get back to our block, but we’d been caught in bad weather (snow storm) and had had to shelter in the doorway of one of the several boarded up shops. As soon as the storm eased we started to make our way towards “home”, but the daylight was fading fast and the siren sounded for curfew. There were very few patrols that actually policed the curfew, but the wolves were more of a deterrent than cops! I could hear them howling off in the distance, but they were definitely getting closer as we progressed through the streets. We heard a blood curdling scream and as we turned a corner there was an old basketball court (high chainlink fence, cracked tarmac you could just see where the snow hadn’t covered, pole for the basket, but rusted and broken) and just inside the fence was what remained of a man. He’d obviously thought he was safe behind the fence, but the wolves had gotten in and he’d tried to scale the fence to escape, not made it and was being torn to pieces as we stood there. The snow was red with blood. One of the wolves stopped and looked at us; snarling and then leapt at the fence, but there was no way through there. We ran, the wolves howled and I knew they would get out and be on our trail!! We weaved through the city blocks, our steps laboured with the heavy coats, many layers of woollen clothing and snow boots we were all wearing. I remember several of the people had those Russian fur hats on and others the ones with ear flaps. There was a hotel on the corner of some street and we raced towards that, but the doors (although not boarded) were locked and chained. We banged on the glass for a minute before hearing the howls of the wolves; a lot closer than they had been! There were some modern art sculptures outside the front of the hotel in a plaza like square. One of the group, an Asian looking lady grabbed one of the younger members of the group and shoved her towards one of those sculptures; six poles in a circle about 2m in diameter. They tapered towards the tip and were quite flexible. At this point I was looking out for the wolves, about 20-30 yards from the sculpture. I checked over my shoulder and the 6 other members of the group were halfway up the poles, they were starting to bend into the centre of the circle and once close to the top they had formed an igloo shape. The Asian lady was getting the group to link arms, legs, basically entwining themselves around each other and the poles, where they were a good 20 feet off the ground. I turned to face the sculpture as the wolves came round the corner behind me. I could feel the wind as they passed me, almost sense the heat from the breath that was steaming in the cold air. The Asian lady looked over to me and nodded, mouthing the words thank you (for some reason!). I raised my hand in goodbye, knowing that the wolves would lose interest after a while and that the storm would ease back and although it would be very cold, they would be OK. Then I felt myself start to disintegrate, my body losing its solidity and like the snowflakes around me there was a flurry in the wind and then I was gone. At this point, my perspective changed and I was watching from about 40 feet up and to the left – behind where I had been stood, but still able to see the group, wolves and my body as it drifted off into the sky. Weird!

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Dream 14.05.2013
Halloween, Calypso

I was with a group of people in a desert, mountain area. It reminded me of the Old West. There were abandoned buildings scattered about the area where we were gathered. There was a gathering darkness behind the mountains; guess the easiest description would be a slightly less ominous looking Mordor as viewed from Gondor. There had been a series of wind storms in the area, ranging from small dust devils up to full blown tornados. The problem was that they didn’t appear to be random, but only occurred when people got together in a building (I know weird, right!). They especially happened with couples, made getting married or having “fun” rather impossible lol!
Some were willing to test the winds though. I watched as a couple entered one of the wooden shacks that apparently passed for housing in the area and out of nowhere this tornado appeared and whipped the house up off the ground. It didn’t destroy it as such, but when the wind dissipated there was no house, and no people. It looked like the entire thing was transported somewhere else (very Wizard of Oz, again…).
The group of people I was with (outside of any building, just to be safe!) had some rather famous faces; Sherlock Holmes (Jeremy Brett version) and Watson. Holmes was going on about something or other and then saying he wanted to test a theory. He grabbed some woman’s hand next to me and pulled her into the house we were stood next to. She was protesting, of course, but he slammed the door shut and instantly the wind whipped up. We ran back from the house as it was engulfed in wind whipped sand. The door flew open and Holmes leapt from the house as it got sucked into the air. The house and the woman vanished. Holmes was dusting himself off and Watson was protesting at what he’d just done, yelling about the woman, etc. I felt something like a tingling sensation across the back of my neck and looked towards Holmes, who also seemed to sense something. As he leapt back from the spot where he was standing a mini dust devil appeared, missing him by inches. He raised his eyebrow and half smiled (you know that Jeremy Brett way…).
“You,” he said, heading in my direction and pointing at me. “You felt it too, didn’t you?”
I just nodded.
Watson was still banging on about the woman and how we couldn’t leave her to her fate, or the others. That Holmes was impossible and selfish, etc, etc.
Holmes rolled his eyes while still looking at me, then whirled round to face Watson.
“You’re right…” He pulled a piece of parchment from his coat pocket and on it was a drawing of the Tree of Life, but between the roots was a well (it did kind of look like the one in Glastonbury, the Chalice Well). Curled around the well was a woman and in the branches of the tree was the Green Man. Further beneath the trees roots was a place coloured red, with flames licking at the roots of the tree.
“This is the gateway,” he said pointing at the well in the picture. “And this is the destination.” His finger slid down the drawing to the place of flames. I was shaking my head at this point. The tree roots/branches were like a labyrinth.
“We’ll get lost, there’s no way to find them if they’re there,” I protested.
“Not ‘we’, my dear,” he placed his hand on my shoulder, then turned and we started walking. “You.”

The land changed around us. The rest of the group disappeared, it was just me, Holmes and Watson who had somehow been transported and before us was a great wood. It looked pretty similar to Fangorn Forest and looked just as creepy from the edge. How many LOTR references can I get in this? Holmes placed the piece of parchment in my hand and steered me to the edge of the forest.

07.05.2013 Dream
Halloween, Calypso
Unfortunately, I don't remember all of this one now.  However, it was based in a small village somewhere out in the sticks.  There were a number of small farms, with a central village area consisting of a pub, post office, green and small shop.  It was surrounded by fields and woodland area and out to the West of the village there was a quarry.  Within that there was a facility; large warehouse, some security outbuildings, surrounded by a high chain link fence and had armed guards at the gate.
At some point somethng happened, I don't really know what, but the guards rounded up the people from the village and were escorting them to a holding pen at the facility.  Some people were being loaded on to trucks/buses and they disappeared out of the quarry via the only road.  A few of us managed to avoid the first sweep of the village and were hiding in one of the farmhouses on the outskirts.  It wasn't far to the next valley, so a few of us (me included) had a recce to see if we could make our escape through the woods and over the hills, but there were roving patrols along the village boundaries.   So, we decided on a nighttime escape.
We holed up in the farmhouse till dark, there were about 8/9 of us; a couple of guys and their wives/partners, and their kids, one older gentleman, a teenage girl (probably about 13/14), myself and my kid...yup, you read right!!  She was 2, blonde, lovely dark brown eyes, I'm afraid I don't remember her name though!  I remember calling it out when it all went a bit pear-shaped (I'll get to that in a bit), but for the life of me I couldn't recall it when I woke up and it has not come back to me since.
When it was dark, we moved out of the farmhouse and headed into the woods, there was a fullish moon, which meant we could see fairly well, but that also meant the patrols could see us too.  We'd made it up the side of the hill and could see torches down in the valley below us, we watched and waited for them to move away.  We got to the bottom of the hill and there was an old logging trail through the trees, which we followed, hugging the tree line.
Out of nowhere floodlights sparked up and there was so much noise, the ground was shaking and a few of the people in the group started screaming and running back along the trail, but jeeps were hurtling towards us from that direction and our only option was to sprint towards the lights.  I yelled out her name, scooped up my little girl and started towards the lights.  As we did I could feel the ground beneath us shifting, like a wave through the trees.  I knew something bad was goiing to happen.  I held her tight to me and I could see the energy wave centre on the ground in front of us, just as I hit the edge of it I leapt into the air and as I did a great hole opened up below us.  I hit the ground on the other side and rolled, protecting the kid as I did.  Behind me, others of the group had managed to stop or swerve in time, but the 13yo hadn't got a chance of missing it.  She sreamed as fell into the hole, grabbing at tree roots to try and stop herself.  I put the kid down and firmly told her to stay then slid forwards and saw the teenager had slammed onto the top of what looked like an old WW2 ambulance (weird).  She was sliding to the edge of the roof, and after that there was just a sheer drop, but from the depths of the hole I could hear something nasty coming.  The roots/vines started to move, slithering up the hole towards the girl, who by this time was out of her head with fear.  Then I saw what I can only describe as rotting corpses moving up the sides of the hole, the long dead had risen from their grave and were after meat and blood.  it was at this point that the hole, girl, zombie things, everything within that area turned into a claymation scene!!  It was like the old school horror/sci-fi films with clay models and the sides of the hole looked like that scene in that Wizard of Oz movie (Return to Oz, perhaps) where they go through the stone walls in the troll King's mountain...  Anyway, I was reaching down to get the girl and one of the corpse/zombies grabbed the girls arm and the next thing I knew I saw him/it bite her hand clean off.  It was all shown in clay though, so the blood and gore seemed almost laughable.  He/it dropped the hand and I watched it slip and slide down the hole, passing the other corpses and they all went mad for it, trying to grab/follow/eat it.  I managed to get the girls other arm and pull her up out of the hole.  I looked at where her hand had been, expecting nastiness, but it was all healed over, just a stump...  As soon as we were out of the hole, the claymation ceased.
I was checking out the girl to make sure she was OK.  Terrified, but oddly calm and in no pain.
I grabbed my kid, but by this time we were surrounded by armed guards and they were sectioning us off into groups of 2/3.  I was taken by one armed guard and depostied with my girl into one of the jeeps.  I could see the others were heading towards trucks.  I tried to get out, but the armed guard was pretty firm about me staying put.  The trucks with the others in moved off, but we weren't going anywhere.  I kept trying to get them to tell me what was happening, where the others were going, why I wasn't with them, etc, etc.
Finally some guy got in the jeep next to me, he was an officer (colonel/major maybe).  He took off his hat and turned to face me, I think I recognised him, but not sure who he was - TV/movie perhaps.  I threw my questions at him.
"You won't be going with them, either of you."  He looked at my daughter and I pulled her in closer to me.
"Because you're different; to them, to us..."
I laughed, telling him he was crazy.  He signalled to the driver and we were off, back towards the facility in the quarry.  I was furious, I wanted to know why he was taking me there...
"There's someone you have to meet."
Woke up...NOOOOO!

Dream 29.04.2013
Halloween, Calypso

I was stood outside of school; it was a bright, sunny day. I was my ideal weight (finally!), so I was wearing black leggings and a tunic top which was just about decent (luckily the leggings were there tbh!!). I think the top was that one I bought from the Rock n Bike; the white one with the grey patterns across it.

Anyway, I walked into the entrance hall and even though I know that the door to the staff room is no longer where it used to be, in my mind it’s still there dammit! I guess spending 7 years of your school life with the door in one position and seeing it once somewhere else is not going to stick well in your memory! I was stood at the door for a couple of minutes, then knew that Mac was upstairs (I don’t know how I knew, but being my ream I guess I can pretty much dictate where anyone is). I also knew that he was expecting me… I headed up the corridor towards the computer room, but before I got there he appeared at the bottom of the steps, smiled and waved. I waited for him to catch up to me and then we turned and made our way back towards the staff room. We were chatting away, catching up, he commented on how well I was looking, and that he liked my new ink; the top did show it off rather nicely. He apologised and said he needed just two minutes, as he popped into the staff room. I waited by the door. Then Mrs Green turned up with a huge handbag! She was flustered and looked as she always did, slightly dishevelled! She clocked me and smiled, asking if I was OK and if there was someone I could get for me. I explained I was waiting for Mac and called her Mrs Green (correcting myself to Jan at her look). I think Louise appeared at this point as I distinctly remember someone asking why I was waiting for that man. I just grinned and said it was personal! Mac emerged from the staff room and we headed out of the school. I was asking where we were going to go and he suggested the pub, so we could have a meal and a good pint. Now, I know the pubs in Alcester (at least I did!), there is not any chains as far as I am aware, however, in this dream there was a Wetherspoons and a Yates’!? The closest to the school was a rather awful looking Wetherspoons that obviously used to be an old cinema. We went in and it was noisy, the food looked terrible, but Mac’s response was that the beer would be crap. We wandered around for a couple of minutes (no free tables either) and then he had had enough and walked to the exit. I was the other side of the raised area, so hurried to the exit, and on my way threw in a bit of dream gymnastics over the last set of stairs. I did realise during this that the tunic top was really too short for that kind of activity, but the leggings were there, so I didn’t think too hard about it! Mac did make a similar comment to my thought though!

On the way to the pub there was another bit with a circus of freaks type sideshow. Mac was chatting about something Craig Nicol (?) had mentioned to him about coding and some machine that was on display at this show. There were a number of those fortune telling machines and slots on the outskirts of the circus, then the “freak show” elements further in. It was a bit of a labyrinth of corridors/tents/stalls, etc. I was looking through a billboard of past, and present performers; World’s Tallest Man, World’s Largest Human Skull – there were more modern photos, but I was fascinated by the old, B&W/sepia toned ones. There was a man sat in one in front of the old school circus big top entrance and just behind him I could see others stood in the shadows of the tent – one of whom was Mac!! The photo was dated 1902.

Taking my arm we walked out towards one of the more village type pubs. I think it was the Nelson; good beer, nice food, and free tables! We settled into one of the booth seats in the corner of the snug. We were pretty much hidden from most people’s eye line. We’d ordered food and gotten drinks; I upset him by ordering a standard lager rather than an ale lol. I then got out a small scalpel from my handbag; it had an ornately carved silver handle and sheath for the incredibly sharp blade. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship. On the sheath were carved my initials…it was a present from Mac. I was about to slip the blade out of the sheath when Mac placed his hand over mine. I looked at him and I could see he was concerned. “Are you sure?” he asked. I put my other hand on top of his and smiled. “Of course I am.” I gave his hand a little squeeze and then he let me go. I took the blade (it was in my right hand) and slid it into the inside of my left arm; underside about 5” from my wrist. The blade was so sharp it didn’t really hurt and I made a slice about half an inch long, but pretty deep. The blood welled up almost immediately. Mac had moved closer to my right-hand side and took my arm gently to his lips then began to feed. I put my right arm around him, meaning that if anyone did look over they would only see what appeared to be a couple in an embrace. The feeding was pretty intense and seemed to last forever. I could feel the blood being pulled out of my body. He ceased and took my face between his hands, “thank you”. I looked to the wound, but it had healed leaving no trace.

The food arrived a little after that. We ate, talked, laughed and drank. I looked at the time and told him I had to go.

The next bit was really weird and disjointed. There was a train station, but you had to climb up railing to get to the platforms, and my Mom was there… The station was all very clinical; altro whiterock type finish. I don’t really remember anything else.

Dream 19 04 2013
Halloween, Calypso

There was a housing estate, 3-4 low rise residential blocks on the edge of a green park area that had some playground equipment on it in one corner, and 2 sets of pylons crossing it. I think there was a river in the distance cutting through the centre of the park/fields. I was with the Doctor, either watching the action or sometimes I’d be Clara (I definitely wasn’t in the dream as myself). Before the resi blocks there were old terraced streets and it was down one of these that the Doctor and Clara were running. There was a boy playing outside one of the terraces; smudged face, ripped trousers, typical street urchin type. Anyway, he kept popping up during the dream in various places; the streets, in front of one of the resi blocks, on the playground, running across the field/park. I don’t know what the Doctor and Clara were running from, but I followed the action down pass the terraces (and the boy) round the end of the row and out into the park. At one point I am pretty sure Clara was riding a horse down a busy street full of traffic… I don’t know where that part fits in though!

Anyway, the Doctor disappeared at some point and I was left walking across the park towards the pylons. The first set were small, probably no taller than 10 feet or so, and looked like normal electricity pylons, but the connections between the posts were solid bars, not cables and from these bars were small nodes, like taps but with nothing to turn them on/off. I realised that someone was stood just behind me and turned, the boy was there. He smiled (one of his front teeth was missing), he had green/hazel eyes and sandy coloured hair. I turned back to the pylons and noticed vapour coming off the small one in front of me, like you get when you open a really cold freezer. I went to ask the boy what it was, but he’d gone. I wondered down the length of the pylon, towards the playground at one end of the park. There were fields at the edge of the park, hedgerows, some metal fencing, etc. There were a couple of 5-bar gates leading into those fields, a style to one side leading into a gulley lined with blackthorn I think. I could just see a house, 2-3 fields over behind some trees. The place was really muddy.

I looked back along the pylons and could see a tent that hadn’t been there before; military style with a small desk and chair set outside the front. There was a queue of people to one side, dressed in WW1 privates’ uniforms. At the back there was a man who was staring in my direction, he waved. I started to walk back towards the tent and by the time I got there he was the only one left in the line. He was signing a large ledger type book, then stood and saluted the officer sat at the desk, who nodded. The man turned to me and smiled. It was the boy!! But all grown up!! I must have looked startled because he chuckled and winked. Then he led me down the park till we were standing by the smaller pylon again.

“What is it?” I asked.

He reached out his hand and touched one of the taps, his fingers came away wet. I frowned, “water? Is that it?”

He nodded, and I did the same thing he had just done. The taps/bars were cool to the touch and the end of the taps was like the water bottles you get in hamster cages; the little balls to stop the water flowing out.

“Isn’t it a bit dangerous to have water and electricity moved the same way across the land?” I asked pointing at the larger pylons behind the water ones.

He laughed and shook his head.

Suddenly there was a commotion at the end of the street (where the Doctor and Clara had first entered the park/field). The soldier looked over. There were trucks, more soldiers but they were dressed in black and they were fanning out across the park heading in our direction. The soldier grabbed my arm and was urging me to run away across the field towards the gates/fences I’d walked from.

I was yelling questions at him as we ran; who they were, what they wanted, etc. All he said in reply was that his name was John and he would get me out of here safely. He looked over his shoulder, as did I and they were definitely closing in on us. I saw one of them fire something in our direction, it impacted the ground and the advancing soldiers halted briefly as the grenade(?) activated then fired. A bright blue flash and I could see the wave of something shift across the muddy field towards us. John grabbed me, lifting me up and on to his shoulder, then he leapt to the tree line/fence and almost threw both himself and I at the trees, grabbing the thorny branches and making sure I was safely away from the ground. The blue wave caught the edge of his boot and he yelled in pain. His foot was pretty useless, I got the impression it was like severe pins and needles, and his foot was numb.

“Go!!” he urged. I was climbing across the blackthorn bushes/trees, my hands/arms were covered in scratches. I thought the soldiers must be right on our heels, but they had to wait for the blast wave to dissipate a little more before they could risk coming forward into the blast range. I made my way down the side of the field, heading towards the far gate and style. The fence/trees I was scrambling through changed to barbed wire topped panels and I felt one of the barbs go through the palm of my hand. I looked back and John was lagging behind. I went to wait for him and he yelled at me to keep going, not to look back, and just to GO! The scramble was getting harder and I heard John yell as the soldiers grabbed him and was pulling him from the trees. I moved as fast as I could towards the gate, but the final part I had to leap across. The blue haze of the grenade thing was fading, but was still strong in this area, so the soldiers were kept back. I saw John pulled away from the hedge line and dragged off. He yelled back, “Help her, dammit!” I turned to the gate and saw a guy standing there (it was the military leader guy from Terra Nova). The blue haze couldn’t move passed the edge of the gate. I leapt across the gap and fell against the gate, there were wooden spikes along the top and one of them went deep into my hand. I was falling back off the gate and he grabbed me, pulling me into the next field, where the house was. The soldiers wouldn’t come any closer, and the last I saw of John was him being marched/dragged across the field to the waiting trucks. The man shoved the gate back into place (my hitting it had forced it back slightly), then stamped the mud back across the bottom of the gate. He took my hand and examined the large piece of broken spike that was embedded into the palm and then pulled it out. It didn’t hurt, but looked really grim.

Dream 15.04.2013
Halloween, Calypso
Only really remember one section, probably the most important bit and unfortunately it does involve a certain person...again!  What is wrong with me at the moment!  Anyway, we were in an ante room of a large warehouse (in fact thinking on it I tink it was the one from the TV prog Warehouse 13!!).  He was looking pretty rough and I asked him how he was... He looked at me and said that I should know how he is feeling as it's been about the same amount of time for us both.  I was a little confused and said so, amount of time for what?  He half laughed, oh you know, then I saw a flash and realised he had a razor blade in his hand and that in infront of him there was someone lying on their front on a camping type bed/cot.  I watched as he made 4 small slashes into the person's shoulder blade area... No way, I thought - 'you ARE one of us, I always knew you were...why didn't you ever say when you had the chance?'
He fed from the cuts and then took a hypo from a case next to him and proceeded to take blood from the person's arm.  'A little something for later...' he explained.
'Did you know I would be like you?!' I asked desperate to know.  He nodded, 'I did.'
'But you said nothing...WHY!?'
He just looked at me and shrugged - I hoped I was wrong...
I stormed out of the room.

Dream 07.04.2013
Halloween, Calypso
Writing this well after the fact, but had to get it down.  Again very lucid dreaming, had this one after the one with the changing people/places ability.
The part I remembermost vividly is the best bit.  Actually having someone in my dream telling me I'm dreaming (so in effect I'm telling myself!).
I think it was based around school, there was definitely a classroom setting, fairly large room though with desks lined up (old school!!).  There were pupils milling about and I knew it was based around AGS, but didn't look anything like any of the actual classrooms there.
I knew who was likely to turn up and bang on schedule there he was at the classroom door.  He walked in and looked right at me, smiling.  Usually I'm trying to avoid him or visa versa, so this was new.  He moved past the others in the room and sat on the desk next to where I was sitting, still smiling.  To be honest I was getting a touch freaked out and was about to make a run for it.  Then it went all to hell!  He pulled me up to meet him face to face and kissed me! Full on the lips! I was pushed him off, asking him what the hell he thought he was doing!!  He just laughed, and said this was just a dream, and that I really ought to know that.  I was a touch taken aback.  I asked him how he knew it was a dream and what he was doing here - he just kissed me again.  I kept pushing him off.  He just kept on talking; 'this is a dream, you know it, you know you can control anything in the dream, except right now you can't control what I'm doing - do you know why?'  I was shaking my head, it didn't make sense, I knew he was right, but I couldn't stop him or change what he was saying.
I just looked at him and said "because it's you...you're really here...aren't you?"
He laughed, winked and I woke up....

Dream 14.04.2013
Halloween, Calypso
Briefly - set out in a forest/meadow landscape.  Large treehouse complex in the woods, hippy types living in the treehouses and camper vans parked in the meadow.  Tents/cookhouses, quite a quaint little camp site.
I was there as myself, very briefly, but then I was someone else (I think - I still felt like me, but I definitely didn't look like it!!).  I had blue skin (think representations of Shiva - that kind of blue), I was approx 9 years old, shaven head, wearing just a material sarong round my waist.  I think I was wearing a necklace...crystal at it's end.  I was living among the travelers, but there was someone or something trying to hunt me down.  For some reason I felt some kind of link to Buddha...
Things happened in the camp and I tried to hide.  Rest of it is pretty blurry though...

Dream 24.03.2013
Halloween, Calypso

Started off as a regular dream, some small town close to the coast (could smell/see the sea) but it wasn’t clifftop or anything. One main street going through and an abandoned house with a sloping drive. There was a metal fence around the place, but no locks or security. The house was large and had obviously been extended over a long period of time which resulted in a bit of a hodge podge shape. There were 3 turrets to the front of the building and the drive went down passed the front door and into an archway, above which was the 1-3rd floors. Arched windows, light coloured stonework, block paving on the drive. We (think Rob, Carl, etc were there) went in through the metal barriers and down the drive, but on reaching the archway (like a carport area with garage doors in front of us). To the right was another archway that lead to the rear of the property and a terrace. A girl clocked us as we appeared round the corner, she was carrying cleaning stuff and there were a number of elderly residents(?) sat on the terrace. She was really friendly and asked if we’d come for the closing party – apparently the place wasn’t quite abandoned yet! We just went along with it and had a nosy about the place anyway. At some point zombies appeared – slow, stupid ones though who were easily avoidable. We got out of the house, which on the inside had elements that looked very much like a hospital rather than a care home.

Moved on to a shopping area. I was with a bunch of girls and one was interested in a large mural painting that was stored in the back yard of the shop. She wanted to know if it was by a certain artist and one way to tell was that was a a signature figure in all of his paintings; a man dressed as a miller/farmworker. I looked at the mural and suddenly my sight went all strange and it was like looking through a telescope, but without actually having one there! I found the figure and told her it was there. I was looking at other bits and pieces in the shop; again some really nice artwork and sculpture.

At the very end of the dream I was acutely aware I was dreaming. I had begun to hear sounds from the Real World and even though I was still asleep I could “see” the morning light through the curtains. I was so aware of the fact I was dreaming, the most I’ve ever experienced and the dreamscape around me seemed to fade into a blank canvas. There were still features of the coastal town and people around me, but it was like all the colour has been washed out of it. There was someone stood next to me on the street and I grabbed them by the shoulders, looking intently into their face. They didn’t struggle and I went on to explain: -
“I’m dreaming, I know I am, I am aware of everything and I’m sorry, but I need to try something.” At that point I concentrated and the unfamiliar character in front of me flickered like a dodgy hologram signal and then the face/body changed and Rob was stood before me. I laughed and was really excited that I could change those around me into people I actually knew!! The most control I’ve ever had. I then tried again and Chris appeared, then Carl. I turned and was looking at the washed out scenery and just pushed my mind out to the hints of buildings and made them solid; a shop, a school, a church… I continued to walk on and met another person who had no particular face. Grinning (!) I clicked my fingers and just thought one word, not a picture of a person as I had with the buildings and the previous people, I just thought “Brad” and clicked my fingers. In the blink of an eye the character was Brad Pitt – YAY! My instant thought was how Dr Who it was that I could do things with just a click of my fingers lol! I gave him a good ole snog and then woke up.

where to start...
Halloween, Calypso
In order to get things out of my head I am hoping to write stuff down when it gets to me.  I've not had the greatest of weeks so far, but if I'm honest others have had much worse; a friend of mine has learnt that she now has to endure 12 weeks of hell in order to try and sort out the tumour in her brain, which has meant that the holiday we were looking forward to; sun, sea, pool, books has been postponed.  That sucks, and I can't imagine what she must be going through.  I've had scares in my life, but it's never been an actual diagnosis.
So, what's got me writing? Um, loneliness, perhaps...the feeling that I'm a little trapped; same old thing every day.  Wake up, leave it as long as possible before having to go to work, hate virtually every minute there, but got to be there; mortgage to pay, bills.  Yes, I am looking for another job, no it's not easy.  I've gotten used to the pay I get where I am, it pays the bills, it gives me money enough to have a social life - oh wait, my social life consists of pool on Tuesdays, that's about it.
I make myself feel better by telling everyone I'm not interested in the relationship, the need to be with someone, but who am I kidding? I am lonely, I do want to find someone, at some point - but if I'm unable to like myself, who else is going to like me??  I looked at myself in the mirror at the pub this evening and all I saw was an overweight, ugly, slob.  I have this perfect idea of myself in my head - and I am nowhere near that.  Even when I was smaller, I stil looked in the mirror and saw fat, saw disappointment, saw crap hair, bad face, pathetic excuse for a human being.  So what's the point?! What's the point in even trying to get to a reasonable size?! I am still going to have this face, this hair, this pathetic excuse for a life.  This is why I can't motivate myself to do anything about it, this is why I can't hit the diet, the exercise like I did the first time; because I know that inevitably I will fail.  I will put the weight and more back on, I will be right where I am now...AGAIN.  So, why try?!  Why even bother?

As for finding someone else... Not gonna happen.  I am the dirty bit on the side, I am the sneaky texts, the first meet up, the sleazy IMs - I am nothing beyond that.  Cos as soon as something or someone else comes along, I am forgotten, I am put to one side, I am nothing.


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